This morning I woke up at 4:00 am. Seems like every few months, I get insomnia. I fall asleep quickly but then wake up after a couple of hours.
After lying in bed for thirty minutes I decided to turn on the TV.
I was hoping to find something boring and doze back off to sleep. With blurry eyes I flipped through the channels. I thought my remote was stuck because it looked like the same show was on every station. It was nothing but infomercials. Three stations had weight loss gadgets, one station was some gadget to change your life in the kitchen and one station was showing something to change your life in the bedroom. At 4:00 am, the only change I want going on in my bedroom is some sleep!!
I decided to see what kind of crap was being sold at 4:00 am and what kind of ridiculous promises were being made.
First channel surfing stop was a product known as the Contour. This gadget is a belt that when worn around the midsection sends electrical currents to tighten and tone while you get to sit around and watch TV. I watched as they showed the user doing traditional sit ups. On cue, he made the squishy, contorted facial expression of a man in pain. He said the sit up hurt his backâ€¦.poor baby, poor incredibly ripped, lean hunk of gorgeousnesses.
Enter the expert!
The expert showed a thermoscan of gorgeous male modelâ€™s muscles while doing sit ups and then while wearing the “amazing” Contour belt. Of course the Thermoscan lit up when that hunk of a man put on the belt.
Even in my sleep deprived state, I knew that this was a load of crap.
If you watch closely enough and take you eyes off of that hot body long enough, you will see a quick flash of print at the bottom of the screen, the same print that is on the bottom of the TV screen of all these stupid gadgets and that is that results are not typicalâ€¦.blah, blah, blah. Does anyone even read that or they already on the phone ordering, not one but 2? God forbid you ever get just one item from an infomercial. We all know that if you act now, they will send you another one for FREE!!
Ok, in case you missed the print at the bottom of the screen, here it is.
Regular users of the Contour device can generally expect modest strengthening and toning of abdominal muscles. Results are not typical. He lost weight on a reduced calorie diet and an exercise program.
Please do me a favor and read the above paragraph again, this time out loud.
This was just one station. The others were showing a Brazilion Butt Lift program and The Tracy Anderson Metamorphosis. Same crap, different delivery.
After flipping back and forth between several of these programs, I finally found and settled on an I Love Lucy marathon. Those were the good old days!